FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
