just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
