there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
