i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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