watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
