when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
