i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
