I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
