Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
