there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
