How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
