when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
