i may or may not be watching the land before time
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
