I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
