I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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