dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
