never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
