Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
