I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
