Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize