I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
