yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize