i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
