please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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