I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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