If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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