I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
