chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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