It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
