idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I could make wine with my vomit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
