First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize