The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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