omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she woke up with a sticky ear
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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