you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So. Much. Porn.
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