ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
please come you make the beer taste better
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
