i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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