Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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