nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
