You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
