He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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