2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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