3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
