But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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