I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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