at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize