I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm really busy with my period
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