quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
