Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
