he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
