If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
