My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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