Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
look no pants
Nicole vs. Life
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
