dude i'm inner monologue high
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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