My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
