I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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