I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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