FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
