Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
