So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
