someone owes me an orgasm
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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