Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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