Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
