I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
