remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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