I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize