would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
