Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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