youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
