Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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