You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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