dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
