Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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