We named our party play list daddy issues
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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