what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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