i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We left the knife in your bed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
