I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize