Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
