Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
