best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
