my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
