There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
