is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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