dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
