I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
