I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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