wrigley field is MILF paradise
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize