No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
