Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
