Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
