I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
