So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
