Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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