The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
