You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your penis caused this!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize