Im at strip club and am horny
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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