I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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